When researchers asked people to tell the stories of how they fell in love, what were the eleven most common factors?
Via Falling in love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose:
Variables That Influence Falling in Love
- Similarly in attitudes, background, personality traits
- Geographic proximity
- Desirable characteristics of personality and appearance
- Reciprocal affection, the fact that the other likes us
- Satisfying needs
- Physical and emotional arousal
- Social influences, norms and the approval of people in our circle
- Specific cues in the beloved's voice, eyes, posture, way of moving
- Readiness for a romantic relationship
- Opportunities to be alone together
- Mystery, in the situation or the person
Proximity
Being nearby helps a lot Yeah, unromantic and obvious but if you're looking for love, definitely ask yourself where you're spending your time.
Via Falling in Love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose:
In another study, conducted in Columbus, Ohio, in the 1950s, 431 couples who applied for marriage licenses were interviewed. It turned out that 54% of the couples were separated by a distance of 16 blocks or fewer when they first went out together, and 37% were separated by a distance of 5 blocks or fewer. The number of marriages decreased as the distance increased between the couple's places of residence.
Who becomes friends in the dorms at college? People who are similar? No. People who are nearby.
Via Falling in love: Why We Choose the lovers We Choose:
Two factors appeared to exercise the greatest influence on personal relationships: the location of the apartments and the distance between them. The most important factor in determining who would be emotionally close to whom was the distance between their apartments.
What underlies this? Obviously, you have to meet, but there's something else going on: repeated exposure.
As marketers know very well (and anyone looking for love should learn about marketing), replied exposure makes us like almost anything.
Via Falling In Love: Why We choose the lovers We Choose:
Repeated exposure, it turns out, increases out liking for practically everything, from the routine features of our lives to decorating materials, exotic foods, music, or people.
"What about that annoying person at work, huh? I see them all the time and I don't fall in love with them."
Via Falling in love: Why We Choose the Lovers We Choose:
.....repeated exposure intensifies the dominant emotional in the relationship. When the dominant emotion is anger, repeated exposure enhances the anger. When the dominant emotion is attraction, repeated exposure enhances the attraction.
Love at first sight only happens in 11% of cases and it's more common in men than women. By the same token, this means first impressions are huge because repeated exposure has a snowball effect.
Looking for love? Then think about where're spending your time. What places do you go on a regular basis and do they contain the kind of people you want to date?
Sounds obvious but if you're spending 99% of your waking hours at work and at home, you're not allowed to be surprised you're single.
Character
People like people who are nice and smart and funny and make them feel good and zzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeah, of course.
Let's talk about the other side of character. What are you like inside?
Having a strong sense of who you are and a lot of self-confidence is a good predictor of whether you're going to fall in love with anyone.
Via Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we choose:
People who have a high frequency of love experiences tend to have high self-Confidence and low defensiveness.... Insecure people who do not have a coherent sense of self and who are not self-actualized tend toward a game-playing style of love and have relationships with low levels of intimacy and high levels of conflict... A study that compared the levels of people's self-identity to levels of intimacy in their relationships showed that Erikson was right. The stronger people's sense of self, the higher their ability to be intimate.
Get your inside straight and the outside might take better care of itself.
Similarity
Opposites attract...um, not all that much,
Via Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we choose:
People are likely to choose as lovers and marriage partners those with similar characteristics. Furthermore, the more similar couples are in personality and background, the more similar couples are in personality and background, the more comfortable they are with each other, the more compatible they feel. and the greater their satisfaction from the relationship. Consequently, couples who are similar in attitudes, temperament, and behaviour are more likely to stay together over time.
Emphasizing similarity when getting to know someone is always a good idea. It's one of the key pillars of influence documented by persuasion expert Robert Cialdini.
Arousal
Any type of situation that affects us emotionallu increases the chace of falling in love/
Having a strong sense of who you are and a lot of self-confidence is a good predictor of whether you're going to fall in love with anyone.
Via Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we choose:
People who have a high frequency of love experiences tend to have high self-Confidence and low defensiveness.... Insecure people who do not have a coherent sense of self and who are not self-actualized tend toward a game-playing style of love and have relationships with low levels of intimacy and high levels of conflict... A study that compared the levels of people's self-identity to levels of intimacy in their relationships showed that Erikson was right. The stronger people's sense of self, the higher their ability to be intimate.
Get your inside straight and the outside might take better care of itself.
Similarity
Opposites attract...um, not all that much,
Via Falling in love: Why we choose the lovers we choose:
People are likely to choose as lovers and marriage partners those with similar characteristics. Furthermore, the more similar couples are in personality and background, the more similar couples are in personality and background, the more comfortable they are with each other, the more compatible they feel. and the greater their satisfaction from the relationship. Consequently, couples who are similar in attitudes, temperament, and behaviour are more likely to stay together over time.
Emphasizing similarity when getting to know someone is always a good idea. It's one of the key pillars of influence documented by persuasion expert Robert Cialdini.
Arousal
Any type of situation that affects us emotionallu increases the chace of falling in love/